Lauren’s Opinion: February
Disclaimer: This is an opinion.
As the weeks get closer to my book release in October, my ledger is nearly coming to a close (at least being shared anyway). This leads me to one of the most bittersweet ledgers I’ve experienced besides White Knight – February.
February and I met at my favorite cocktail bar in the Heights. When it first opened, it was a place that the night was young and potentially held secrets it would summon around midnight before I found my glass slipper. February was a bartender there.
He was as gorgeous as the chandeliers that danced to the beat of the DJ on Thursday night. And yet – he was not single. He was completely taken when I met him. All ladies should know that bartenders flirt – they absolutely say things they don’t mean to make patrons feel seen. They want you to come back.
But February for the longest time kept everything extremely professional. He would make me drinks, flirt a bit, get a little jealous about other men who hit on me, and in general, made me wonder if the bar would be the only place I’d ever see him.
While I didn’t come for him, he was a bonus top shelf decanter.
When we finally did go on a date after he left bartending and went into sales, the date was on a drizzling February night. He text me from the restaurant too telling me that he was there waiting for me. So he wanted the date so badly he showed up a DAY early to the location.
WILD work, February.
Now this will probably be my shortest ledger because it’s obvious what occurred based on the IG ledger – he wanted a casual relationship and I simply did not. There’s no huge broad question on morals or ethics because he was respectful of what I could not give to him.
Plot twist that didn’t make it to the ledger?
He actually did come build a desk for me a few months later. GASP! Sometimes things are not as bittersweet as we think they are. But nonetheless, the timing just isn’t right. Even in May when he built my desk, the timing wasn’t right and we both knew it.
And that’s how life sometimes works. We date and we test out the beginnings of things that take shape in places we least likely expect.
With my board of directors – the one thing it did draw out after I wrote February was:
Who are you getting your encouragement in dating from?
Dating is a mine field.
We step tactually and carefully as we navigate mild and horrible situations simultaneously. Who is cheering on that experience for you? Who is helping you stay comforted during the struggle of meeting someone and falling in love?
That to me was the ultimate question of February’s ledger. My friends were so certain February and I would never translate outside the bar. But they were entirely wrong – that tension that we built in the year or so of going to that bar held itself the whole time. That kiss was one of my favorite kisses I’ve ever experienced.
That is why once we pray and we listen to God – we must trust our instincts of the scenario we lived. It doesn’t mean we don’t take advice. It means that advice must be taken alongside our actual lived experiences in dating.
Your friends are not there living that date or experiencing that moment for you. You are experiencing it. Don’t let others discourage you of what moments may mean – even if you can’t take that person with you going forward.
Moments do matter, even ones that are seemingly ordinary and fleeting.
We must hold onto them, appreciate the honesty of them, and continue to throw our nets over the boat of love in the hopes Jesus might garner us another shot.
Let us also remember just because a moment is bittersweet, it doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth the experience of having it.
“An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips.” Proverbs 24:26