Last week was a 7 day rollercoaster ride of emotional and physical trial for me. I had to be reminded through a very close friend that God is faithful. It reminded me to stand on God’s character even though my circumstances cause my life to feel as though I’m in a non-stop speed filled loop to loop. It reminded me of Astroworld and as a kid the excitement of adrenaline packed Greased Lightning ride. I would yearn for it and go there yearly or even multiple times a year once I was tall enough to ride. Even the excitement of being tall enough to ride caused pure joy and glee. But that’s because I knew that I would return safely to the ground after those mere minutes. But what happens when our very lives feel as though we won’t return safely to the ground? When we feel God’s seeming absence, our prayers feel weak, and our hearts feel heavy and hopeless? What happens when we aren’t sure God’s truth is there for us? Logically, we know God is faithful. But our heartspace is so weary that while we know He’s delivered in the past, can He deliver in the future?
Like the Israelites in Exodus 6, I have been riding that rollercoaster so much lately that I feel brokenhearted to the point where I cannot hear God’s compassion, His words of hope, His word of deliverance. Like the Israelites heard God would deliver, I felt God saying that to me even though I’m not exactly sure what it looks like. Yet I feel so weary from my circumstances that this morning I woke up in actual tears unsure of how to press on. “So Moses spoke thus to the children of Israel; but they did not heed Moses, because of anguish of spirit and cruel bondage.” Exodus 6:9
Sometimes life is that way for all of us. Christians that deny this are preaching a gospel other than Christ. The gospel never denies suffering or grief and we all have our own personal cross to bear. We all have times when we waver in faith, in trust, and in hope for our life to improve. So today, I sat in God’s promises and in His word refusing to deny how I feel and how I am struggling. Like a burnt offering in the midst of my heart that aches and cries out in anguish of my very being, I lift up that ache to Christ for him to be glorified. Even if I cannot actually feel His love, His presence, His promises, His mercy right at this moment as my fingers touch the keys, I know He’s faithful. Even when I can’t feel His strength to go on, He’s there and He’s so incredibly good and faithful. And that’s the gospel of Christ – that He binds up our wounds and strengthens us.
“The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to tread on the heights.” Habakkuk 3:19