It’s fall and along with it is my My New Fall Series — Redefining Godliness.

I’ll be spending the next five weeks talking about what it means to be a Godly woman and have identity rooted in Christ. The series will explore common misconceptions about what it means to be a godly woman. Each Sunday, I’ll dive into a new topic, debunking myths and uncovering the true essence of living a Christ-centered life. My aim is to help women redefine what it means to walk in godliness, rooted in truth and grace. First up is Proverbs 31.

Beyond the Proverbs 31 Checklist: Understanding True Godliness

There is a very popular theme among Christian women – the Proverbs 31 woman. The church is even teaching this to women.

Why can this become damaging to our walk with Christ?

Proverbs 31 is a beautiful proverb. But first and foremost, it’s a letter from a mother to a son. It’s what a man should look for in a wife that would be deemed godly. However, can any woman live up to all these standards? No. The point of Proverbs 31 is to put Christ first in all that we do as women and be faithful where God places us.

We should not be training ourselves to find a Godly husband – that is not God’s purpose for Proverbs 31. The point of Proverbs 31 is to reveal to us that when we are faithful to “bear fruit in keeping with repentance” (Matt 3:8) to love God and love others, these qualities will naturally attract a Godly man.

We must stop teaching women that there is a prescribed list of things to do each morning which will result in God bringing us a husband or will prepare us to meet our future husband – wake up at 5am, read the bible, work out, make up routine that looks like we don’t have any on, make a todo list, have a perfectly modest outfit, work all day, cook a homemade healthy meal, read to our children.

Because first and foremost, we are God’s wife first. When it says she is “clothed in scarlet” (Prov 31:21), it means we are clothed in Christ. We want to go to the wedding of Jesus first before any earthly wedding of our own. God celebrates marriage and love but He is a jealous God and calls us to Himself first and foremost.

It pains me to see us striving in such a way that God does not design for us as women. That’s what legalism does – put heavy yokes on our backs. Legalism at its root is when we put the law above human need. The law requires us to be perfect and that is humanly impossible. That is why Jesus came.

It is not that we should shirk a routine or reading our bibles or making homemade meals. It’s that we need to recognize that when we place our salvation in our striving and in those “formulas” giving us the hope that only God can give, we will fail. There are many women who meet their husbands without those routines at all. And we must recognize that it is a false gospel to preach that any list of formulas will bring us salvation and meet our ultimate needs. We rend our hearts first (Joel 2:13). Because God supplies our needs “according to His riches in glory in Jesus Christ” (Phil 4:19).

I believe that routines and structure are valuable in our walk with God. But the most valuable of those steps are to “walk in love” (Eph 5:1-2). We should focus on the aspects that focus on Christ – daily bible reading, prayer, loving others, serving where God has placed us, working for Him and not our earthly masters, and being a vessel we bring to God each day as a living sacrifice.

We do not have to have a perfectly positioned life to honor God as women.

We need to stop propagating this and putting unnecessary pressure. We do not have to have colored pens, beautiful bookmarks, a lighted candle, a Pilates routine, and a daily devotional to love and honor God. Those things we unintentionally create for women are a stumbling block in many ways to get to Jesus. Jesus just wants our hearts – all of the other things we believe we have to be and do to come before him and place our needs at His feet, can ultimately become idols if we let them.

I would encourage you today if you see any influencer, social media person, or women in the church who tout those things as ways to love God more to pray over it diligently. God will tell you what He wants you to do in His word and in quiet time with Him. God will provide you wisdom without fault in how He wants you to worship Him if you ask (James 1:5). He will either lead you to a specific place in His word or place it on your heart.

When we stop striving, we stop trying to be a perfectly Godly woman and we come to God in our true brokenness, that is where faith is born.

True freedom in Christ is knowing He loved us first (1 John 4:19) when we were filthy. I encourage you today no matter where you are, whether you made it to church or you did your routine and feel good about your quiet time with God, that God loves you right where He’s placed you. Now that I’ve debunked some of the myths and preconceptions – what does it truly mean to be a Godly woman?

Being a Godly woman is knowing God and His word and loving Him so much that we desire to obey Him.

Obedience and love is better than sacrifice (1 Samuel 15:22). While true love has sacrificial elements and once we are saved, we should naturally have some of the attributes of Proverbs 31 because we should be known by are fruits, we don’t have to perfect ourselves to know Jesus Christ. He’s perfect so that we don’t have to be.

If you enjoy those routines, that is perfectly fine and it’s nothing to quit doing if you are finding joy in Christ by doing those things. But if you fail to do those things or you feel intimidated by those who look like their time with God is perfected, know that God meets us in our mess. He comes to the weakest ones to reveal His glory. We don’t have to have it all together or perfect ourselves to love God and love Jesus.

I hope this encourages you today to take the heavy yoke from yourself of perfection. Being a Godly woman or called a Godly woman is not about our routines and how we present ourselves to the world. It’s our heart space – that is what Proverbs 31 is truly about. When our heart is right with God, we will naturally pour out His love to us into others because we know Jesus sacrificed his life to save us from our sins. It’ll flow out from our heart. I had done a message on Mark 7 and being defiled because what comes out of heart is what we have within us. If we treasure God and put Him first, our fruits will be evident and flow out from our heart. While we may not have the picture perfect time with God, God loves us all the same. He provides grace for us if we come before Him and ask for it (Hebrews 4:16). We can help others to embrace grace filled living and place their hearts above the rituals the world can impose on us as women.

I pray today as you spend time with God in His word, that He takes the yoke of perfection off your heart. That if your life is messy, that He is there to comfort you. I pray that He places His love over you and reminds you that Jesus is perfect so that you don’t have to be.

Homework Assignment:

Choose one quality or action described in Proverbs 31 that you find particularly challenging or outside your comfort zone. Try to put it into practice daily this week.

Some suggestions:

1. Daily bible reading for 15 minutes – either morning or evening.
2. Setting aside 10 minutes of prayer each day to be with God and show your love and devotion to him alone.
3. Having your children draw pictures and bring to a loved one who needs compassion during this season of their life.
4. Calling a friend and checking on them.
5. Sending a $10 gift to a friend randomly.
6. Writing a letter and mailing to a friend or family member you love.
7. Speaking up in a tough situation even if it means you may be persecuted.
8. Sharing your faith with one person this week who you do not know.
9. Inviting a friend to coffee and church.
10. Making a homecooked meal for your family or for you.
11. Looking at your finances to give back to God.
12. Working on a special project without your boss asking for help.
13. Bringing breakfast or lunch as a treat for your coworkers.
14. Giving to the poor.
15. Making a list of God’s grace in your life and giving thanks for His provision.
16. Working on a creative outlet you love and thanking God for it’s monetary provision.
17. When facing a difficult situation or scenario this week, pray to God for strength and dignity and give grace and mercy to all those involved.
18. Giving wise advice to a friend that is going through a difficult situation.
19. Comforting friends or family while supporting a need they have this week.
20. Creating a budget and praying over it with God on how best to use your finances to glorify Him.

Reflect on why that particular area is challenging for you. Share your goal and progress with us in the comments or on social media using #GodlinessChallenge.