Welcome to the Second Sunday of My New Fall Series –

Redefining Godliness: Debunking Myths and Embracing True Faith

I’ll be spending these fall weeks talking about what it means to be a Godly woman and have identity rooted in Christ. The series will explore common misconceptions about what it means to be a godly woman. Today, I tackle the topic of sexual purity, addressing misconceptions and the challenges of living according to Biblical standards in a culture that is at odds with them.

At Odds with Culture

There is a common belief among some Christians that the Bible’s standards for sexual purity are outdated and unattainable in today’s culture. However this is a myth and misconception.

The word of God (The Bible) is timeless. It transcends culture, trends, and even our own moral standards. Moral standards can change but God doesn’t change. He’s the same “Yesterday, today, and forever.” (Hebrews 13:8). He and His word was before the beginning. “Before the world began, there was the Word. The Word was with God, and the Word was God” (John 1:1-3).  People die, but God’s word lives on forever. Isaiah 40:8: “The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the Word of our God stands forever.”

So at thirty five, and with two children, it is harder than ever in a culture that idolizes sex and promotes promiscuity to live this Bible standard. It’s particularly hard when most Christians know the standard and believe it to be outdated. One of the most difficult parts of being Christian is at times standing alone and not compromising with what the world encourages. The Bible encourages sexual purity until married and the world encourages sex, casually even.

Why is sexual sin damaging to our walk with Christ?

Because first, sex always has consequences and complications. It’s particularly complicated when done outside of marriage. It leads to unwanted consequences and even future consequences that we cannot even anticipate.

For a culture that glorifies between the sheets, the main damage to our relationship with Christ is shame. It draws us away from Christ, makes us hide from him, and since it’s a sin against our own body (1 Cor 6:18) is considered self-inflicted. It doesn’t always damage us right away but over the course of time, has serious potential to damage us physically and emotionally. So many women and men live in shame over sexual sin. It’s the most prevalently discussed sin in the church today.  

The first mention of sex in the Bible is Genesis 4:1, where Adam lay with his wife Eve after the fall. The first instance of sexual immorality is in Genesis 16, when Sarah is so impatient to wait for God’s promise of a child that she had Abraham sleep with her maidservant. In Biblical times, if your slave had your baby, then the child became yours. This is important because God’s promises are not dependent on our ability to bring them forth. They are dependent on God alone. When we mess with God’s design and try to short-cut it, we lead ourselves to death. The wages of sin is death (Romans 6:23). Meaning in biblical times if we were found committing sexual sin, we’d be taken to the outside of camp and stoned to death.

Now at this point in history, the Bible doesn’t exist yet – the Torah that Moses wrote hasn’t come to be. Abraham is living off faith alone. During that incident, he and Sarah are acting faithlessly.

What happens when we act faithlessly?

Pain, suffering, heart ache, delay in what God has in store for us. If God wants us to wait on anything, it’s to protect us from physical, emotional, and soul wrecking damage. I also have seen that we usually end up forfeiting blessings when we refuse to wait. A great example of obedience to God’s word in the face of cultural pressure is in 1 Samuel 25, with the story of Nabal, Abigail, and David. If Abigail had not intervened and reminded David of God’s word, David was so angry that he could have murdered Nabal and tarnished his name and testimony. He also would not have married Abigail after God struck Nabal dead. That’s why though we cannot anticipate how our small steps of obedience will fall into God’s plan and blessing, His design is always best. So in the case with sexual purity, if we choose not to wait until marriage to have sex, we may unintentionally forfeit God’s future blessings but also suffer consequences of STD’s and unwanted pregnancy.

None of us are immune to sexual sin, including me. In my own experience, when I have been celibate, those times have been more fruitful for God and my mind is more renewed. I can tell you that I had sex before I was married and I could’ve prevented a lot of heartache had I not. Sexual sin can lead us to attach love to things we should never love. That is another danger of sexual sin. It invites us to bring things or people into our lives that God never wanted for us. But thankfully for the majority of my time after divorce, I have been celibate. Since I’ve not had a serious boyfriend since I left, there tends to be more scrutiny on my sexual sins anytime I have not been able to overcome temptation. Again, none of us are immune to pressure or scrutiny, myself included.

A lot of people will justify their sexual sins when they are in a serious committed relationship. They do this because they love each other and they want to share their bodies. While I think this is beautiful and mimics marriage, it is not marriage and therefore, it is sin. It’s hard to swallow for a lot of people but it’s the truth. The truth isn’t meant to shame us or call us to break up with our significant others or call us to start pointing it out or shaming anyone who commits sexual sin. Hear me now that God is more concerned with pointing out your sins first than you pointing out others sin.

The truth of the Bible and its application today for sexual purity is to lead us to repentance.

What does it mean to repent?

True repentance is turning from sin and turning back to God. That’s it. It’s simple and yet we complicate it many times. God’s gift of forgiveness through Jesus is there for us on this cross.

I’m not saying God doesn’t bless us or give us things if we are sinning as Christians in relationships. Everyone sins every single day. God chooses whom He shows mercy. But ultimately, our bodies are God’s and we died to the law and live for Christ to bear fruit (Romans 7:4). It’s hard to bear fruit if we live a lifestyle of sin. It’s not that we can’t bear fruit at all for Christ, but our witness and testimony will be tarnished if we continue sinning after God has lovingly pointed out our sin. It also can unintentionally lead others to sin as well.

With sexual sin comes sexual purity as its counter. Sexual purity requires discipline. “You should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable.” (1 Thess 3:4-7)

So what is the best way to remain sexually pure?

Flee from temptation. Flee.

Because sin first and foremost is against God. The first instance of fleeing sexual temptation is found in Genesis 39 where Potiphar’s wife continues to beg Joseph to sleep with her. He literally leaves his coat in her hand and flees the scene. She tempts him day after day. Then when he won’t sleep with her, she makes up a lie about him and he ends up going to prison. That’s sometimes what purity does and obedience to God’s design – puts us in a prison. But as we know about the story of Joseph, eventually he becomes Pharaoh’s right hand man and is reunited with his brothers. That’s why I mentioned that God blesses His design. It takes longer and may feel at times when we are persecuted by others for remaining pure that we are put into living in a prison (Joseph spent two years in prison before release). But in the end, what the enemy and others mean for harm, God works for good (Genesis 50:20-22).

I was told recently that it was commendable to live pure. But that the person couldn’t imagine an older person my age after divorce living in sexual loneliness and not getting any physical affection. It is true that physical affection and touch affect our well-being. It does. For those who are living in this before they meet their spouse and they are older, my heart does grieve with you. It’s not easy in any capacity to live pure. There is a level of sexual loneliness that comes with it. But as I’ve grown as a Christian, I find where I used to feel that loneliness 40% when I first got divorced three years ago, it has dwindled to 5%. That is a huge thing for anyone who is living pure and it’s proven by God’s grace coming in unexpected and beautiful ways to fill my life. That for me is a piece of His blessing.

In the ultimate scope of my faith, one day I will go to heaven and it’s my call as a believer on this earth to be pure and holy. I offer myself to God as His and I cannot be His and the world’s simultaneously. For we are slave to whatever has mastered us (2 Peter 2:19).

Striving to align ourselves with God’s design requires us to prioritize His ways over worldly influences. His design is for us to be holy. God’s most used adjective to describe himself is holy. God calls himself holy over a 1000 times in the Bible. In particular, he call us to be holy (1 Peter 1:16).

This is not a popular notion as we want the grace without the repentance most days. We all are guilty and fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23-24). Our justification through Christ in that verse doesn’t give us license to sin but gives us license to freedom in Christ. Freedom in Christ means He sets us free and we don’t keep sinning.

How can we be free if we are not able to have sex when sex was created by God?

God created sex for marriage to be “fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 1:28). Children are a gift of God and are a blessing (Psalm 127:3). But God also created sex for enjoyment within the confines of marriage. I would encourage you to read Song of Songs. It’s a gorgeous picture of a couple in courtship and then marriage with a ton of sexual imagery. God intends us to enjoy sex fully but he intends for us to do it while married. Even Paul goes on to explain not to deprive each other during marriage and how our bodies are yielded to our spouses, “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command.” (1 Cor 7:3-6)

Sex is designed by God for marriage. What He designs, He blesses fully (Deuteronomy 28:1-14). This does not mean there is a formula to God’s blessings or that we should live legalistically. It does mean however that when we live by God’s design for sex, we will avoid much consequence, much sin, and paths that look like they lead to life but only end in death (Proverbs 14:12).

So what does it look like in our day and age to remain sexually pure? How do we flee temptation?

God designed sex for marriage, for love, for pleasure, and to bless you with children. His design is not to hinder your pleasure or make you become legalistic. It’s not to make you feel fenced in by rules and regulations. His design is so that when you get married and you have sex, you can enjoy it to its fullness. All of the ways we try to avoid His design usually only lead to heartache.

True fullness in Christ is conforming ourselves to His image and His design (Eph 4:13-14).

If you are struggling with sexual sin, talk to someone you trust about your experience. You have failed not in faith if you are struggling in sexual sin. You are not lacking in faith either. Don’t allow past mistakes to disrupt your faith. “He who has begun a good work in you will perform it until the Day of Jesus Christ”. Phil 1:6 So in that, surround yourself with people who can help you during your own faith journey with Christ. We all have our struggles in different areas and regardless of the area you struggle in, surrounding yourself with Christians who have gone through that experience will help you in your walk.

I pray as you go about your week this week that you flee from temptation. I pray that God covers whatever shame of your past that sexual sin has brought to you emotionally or physically. I pray that God shows his love for you today. I pray that you remain pure and rest in God’s design not just for sex but for your life.

Homework This Week: Choose one of the practical steps to purity and develop a practical plan for implementing this principle in your life. For instance, if you chose “fleeing from temptation,” identify specific triggers and strategies to avoid or address them.